There is a Tibetan saying "If you want to know your future, look at what you
are doing in this moment." This may seem childlike but I always find it
easiest to make a change in my life by picturing a very specific and
compelling reward for the change. What wonderful, new experience will I get
to have? How will I have moved closer to being my true self? Conversely,
what boring, unpleasant or fear-provoking task or person will I now
experience in a more comfortable light or no longer have to experience at
all?
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing
himself," wrote Leo Tolstoy. What habit do you want to drop or pick up? From
body fat to a bright new job we obsess about but often block our own change.
Here's some steps that have proved helpful to me.
Find Your True North
Their is a Thai word, "sanuk", which means whatever you do you should enjoy
it. First be clear about choosing a habit-changing goal that is powerfully
valuable to you. Why put effort in an "ought to do" goal, based on others'
wishes for you, when you can serve your true self by going for the one that
you'll truly find most satisfying? As Keniche Ohmae wrote in The Borderless
World, "Rowing harder does not help if the boat is headed in the wrong
direction. Applying more muscle is no solution if the course is off."
Perhaps you are choosing a new habit that is someone else's goal for you, not
your own. If you really don't enjoy moving towards that change, you may be
acting against your deepest preferences. "Problems that remain persistently
insolvable should always be suspected as questions asked in the wrong way."
wrote philosopher, Alan Watts in The Book.
Picture Being Your Hero
Keep picturing the experience of your success when you are tempted to fall
back. As Soren Kierkegaard, the19th Century Danish theologian said, "People
celebrate achievements and spotlight heroes but the truly heroic act is not
the outcome but in starting out and not knowing if you will succeed. "A vivid
imagination," wrote Aristotle, "compels the whole body to obey it." Emile
Couce wrote in Willing, "It is the imagination and not the will that is the
dominating faculty of man. It is a serious mistake to advise people to train
their wills; they should learn to control and direct their imaginations."
Keep picturing yourself as the hero who has succeeded to make a
self-fulfilling prophecy. Rather than talking about what you are giving up
or how you might fail, always think and talk about your goal as the
inevitable future - -what is going to be.
Use Your Homing Device
Look inside for your "Homing Device" of your most powerful motivation or
passionate interest that can be related to your goal. As Dr. Beverly Potter
wrote in her book, Finding a Path With a Heart: How to Go From Burnout to
Bliss, "When we pay attention to our Homing Devices and follow their
guidance, we invariably feel right about ourselves and in perfect harmony
with people and activities in which we are involved in the moment. . . . Not
all targets (goals) are the same. Some are easier to hit. Some are more
fun. Compelling targets have a magnetic force that pulls you towards them"
Surround Yourself with Support
To keep your resolve, surround yourself with those who want you to succeed.
In the book, The Healing Brain, psychologist Robert Ornstein and physician
David Sobel, suggested we learn that the need for community is a key part of
our evolutionary heritage and a way we can learn to change. The brain's
primary purpose is not to think, but to guard the body from illness and
despair. "The brain acts as an internal health maintenance organization,
governing everything from the release of stress hormones to the functioning
of the immune system. It now appears that the brain cannot do its job of
protecting the body without contact with other people. We have evolved to be
dependent on others. Evolution has less regard for the individual than for
the survivial of the species. For your evolution towards your goal, plant
yourself firmly among those who'll reinforce your desired behavior.
Use Your Senses
Make your message more real by "coming back to your senses". That is write
it down, say it out loud, associate it with something you see, hear, smell,
taste and touch every day. Plant Post-It messages on your bathroom mirror
and car dashboard. Connect it to the radio morning news voice or music you
hear. Tell friends and colleagues. Smell your shampoo or cologne and now
associate it with your goal. Brush your teeth and connect the motion towards
your goal. See the result in the shape of your door knob. As Beverly Sills
once told a reporter, "You may be disapointed if you fail, but you are
doomed if you don't try."
How Do You Get Detoured?
"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to
burn." wrote David Russell. Notice your pattern for avoiding your course
towards your goal. What activities do you use to get sidetracked? What time
of day or day of the week is it most likely to happen? What else is
happening that can numb you into avoidance? What colleagues and friends help
or hinder you on your path? Discover these patterns now and you will be more
powerfully productive towards this and all the next goals you set for
yourself. But don't be too hard on yourself when you're not perfect. As
Charles Garfield wrote in Peak Performance, "On course doesn't mean perfect.
On course means that even when things don't go perfectly, you are in the
right direction."
Confirm That You're on the Right Path
Look at what happens to you as you are moving towards a change in your life.
How are others close to you reacting? What new experiences happen? As Jean
Shinoda Bolen wrote in The Tao of Psychology, "Synchronistic events can
assure us when we are on the right life path; and advise us when we are not;
at the most profund level, they assure us that we are not mere observors but
always participants in an interconnected cosmic web." On a more basically
worded level, see how the changes you make affect your self-image and your
relationships with others. Simply speaking, do you enjoy your life more?
Be Your Best
I believe those who will gain the most professional satisfaction in an
increasingly chaining and competitive world will be those who choose to get
very good at one single skill. for those in broadcast engineering, it might be
the combination of a technical skill for a certain kind of organization
serving a certain kind of market. Like goal-setting, the more specific the
skill, the more likely the success and sense of satisfaction to be attained.
We may not all be as lucky as Billie Jean King (I certainly wasn't) who
wrote in her autobiography, Billie Jean, "When I was five or six . . (I) told
my mother I'd be the best at something; by the time I was twelve, I knew what
I'd be best in. But it is never too late in life to choose your best".
Plan a Great Reward
Before you start a new habit, plan how you will celebrate when you meet your
goal. The bigger the change, the larger the reward you deserve. Let others
who supported you, savor it with you. You might be just the inspiration to
help them make their own big life change.
If you'd like to get more help in changing, consider reading some of my
favorite books on the topic: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey, The On-Purpose
Person: Making Your Life Make Sense by Kevin W. McCarthy, Making Your Dreams
Come True by Marcia Wieder, and The New Dynamics of Goal Setting :
Flextactics for a Fast-Changing World" by Denis Waitley.
Getting What You Want : How to Reach Agreement and Resolve Conflict Every Time
Gut instincts expert, author, and speaker Kare Anderson is an upbeat conference opener or closing keynoter.
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hottest interest to attendees, cause people to leave laughing
and talking about what they've heard.
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