You can make some simple changes in how you dress, move or speak and discover
that you have fewer conflicts and greater opportunity to build enduring
relationships from smoother daily interactions. From the research on our
gut instinctual reactions, here's some easy-to-adopt suggestions.
1. Sidle. People are more likely to like each other, remember more of what
they discuss, and agree when they "sidle," standing or sitting side by side,
rather than facing each other.
Two women or a man and a woman are more likely to face each other. They
literally "face off". Two men instinctively sidle. Siddling brings people
"in sync." Walking and talking gets you further connected. The best time to
resolve issues is while walking together to the meeting, not when you are in
the meeting, sitting across from each other.
2. Look for the underlying issue. When you are arguing for more than ten
minutes, you are probably not discussing the real conflict and are thus
unlikely to get it resolved in the discussion. Look for the underlying
issue. Read Robert Bromson's Dealing With Difficult People for ideas about
how to recognize difficult behaviors and ways to respond to them.
3. Detect lying earlier. When lying, most people can put an
innocent expression on their face when you ask them a question about the
topic, yet few (except pathological liars) get the right timing or duration
of that expression. Ignore the expression itself when they respond but note
whether they appear to put it on too soon or too late and
if the duration of the expression seems off. Here your instincts will often
guide you to knowing their truthfulness. To learn more about how to detect lying, read
Paul Ekman's book, Telling Lies.
4. Come back to your scents. Since smell is the most directly
emotional sense, bypassing much of the brain's thinking process, consider how
to introduce positively natural and uplifting scents into your environment as
your own "sane self-indulgence." A naturally scented environment refreshs
people, so they feel uplifted. That's why outlets as diverse as the
Rainforest Cafe, Sahara Vegas Casino, Disney/Epcot Home of the Future and San
Francisco Aquarium have created natural "signature scents" to avoid allergic
reactions while refreshing those they serve.
People who are responsible for your work setting may consider environmental
scenting someday. Consider lightly scenting your uniform with the smells that
are most comfortingly familiar to you. Two hospitals in Tokyo scent bed
sheets with vanilla. Since a Paris hotel began scenting their twoels with
rose and citrus, guests have been giving more positive reports on the hotel
staff's thoughtfulness and appearance. Vanilla, apple, and chocolate are
Americans' most -liked scents.
5. Be vividly specific. A specific detail or example proves a general
conclusion, not the reverse. A vivid, specific detail is memorable, while a
general statement is less credible and easily forgotten. Ironically, most
adult conversation and advertising is general. Children are more likely to be
vividly specific and thus more memorable. When you want to be heard and
remembered, characterize your information or request with a vivid, specific
detail, example, story or contrasting options. Involve words that relate to
the senses. For example "beautiful color" is not as vivid as "blue" which is
not as vivid as "cobalt blue."
6. Be "plainly clear." Avoid wearing patterned clothing or other detail on
your clothing, especially on the upper half of the body, because it will
shorten the attention span of the person with whom you are speaking.
Getting What You Want : How to Reach Agreement and Resolve Conflict Every Time
Gut instincts expert, author, and speaker Kare Anderson is an upbeat conference opener or closing keynoter.
Her warmth, memorably titled tips such as "Go Slow to Go
Fast," dry wit, and frequent references to the situations of
hottest interest to attendees, cause people to leave laughing
and talking about what they've heard.
Learn ways to "Say It Better" in how you speak, appear, write, and
create the work and other settings of your life. Whether you want to
learn ways to lead, persuade, negotiate, sell, resolve conflict, or design
a compelling physical setting, Say it Better is the place to visit again
and again to see the latest ideas from our growing list of expert
contributors.
SAY IT BETTER
15 Sausalito Blvd.
Sausalito, CA 94954-2464.
http://www.sayitbetter.com
KARE ANDERSON : kare@sayitbetter.com
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