One week in the spring of 1995 on the Prodigy Service
Business Board, I announced that I would provide three
customized publicity angles to anyone who posted a
description of his or her business. Since I had done this
on a radio call-in show, I knew I could carry out my part of
the deal quickly and creatively. I was surprised to observe
the difficulty numerous entrepreneurs had in clearly
describing what they did, however.
Of 85 people who participated during that week, almost 30
percent posted a description of their business that I could
not fully understand. When I politely requested a
clarification, one person expressed irritation and another
became downright angry. Was I stupid or what? Couldn't I
understand the English language?!
Let's see if you're smarter than I am. Here are, verbatim,
two of the descriptions I could not understand. The test
for understanding is not whether you know the literal
meaning of all the words and concepts involved, but whether,
after reading, you know what product or service actually
changes hands.
1. "I a consultant specializing in Health Care Technology,
Health Claims and Practice Mgmt services. I advise on
systems analysis and structured design to simple claims
handling procedures."
2. "We sell everyday items that everyone needs at
reasonable prices."
After mentally correcting the grammatical errors in #1, I
gather that this business has something to do with medical
claims -- probably insurance claims -- and because I have
met a few systems analysts over the years, I know generally
that it has something to do with computerized information.
I also suspect that this consultant serves physicians in
private practice, but does she also work for hospitals?
HMOs? Insurance companies? Does she help them equip their
labs ("Health Care Technology" could mean that)? Does she
send bills to patients for doctors ("Practice Mgmt" could
mean that)? Too much remains unclear.
Compare, as a substitute for #1, "I help small to mid-sized
medical practices (one to five physicians) computerize their
insurance claims procedures or simplify their existing
system to save on time, money and aggravation." Well, that
would sure help me. And despite being understandable, I
very much doubt that it would confuse those who were "in"
enough to find the consultant's jargon crystal clear.
Beware of jargon in the description of your business! Its
most damaging characteristic is that people who have heard
the word or phrase will never admit they can't translate it
into plain English -- they just won't move to hire you,
refer appropriate business to you or help you get publicity.
Test your business description by asking five people not in
your field to listen to it or read it and tell you in their
own words what you sell. If more than one of the five
can't, you are definitely missing out on business. Try
making it so simple a 12-year-old gets it, such as by
specifying the general benefit a client gains from working
with you. If you get a perfect five out of five,
congratulations, and please let me know.
The problem in #2 is vagueness. Everyday items like tires?
Food? Paper clips? Aspirin?
Other problems I found in those business descriptions
included not explaining the purpose of a product. For
instance, one person said he'd developed a "home appraisal
kit for homeowners." Would that help them know if their
house was environmentally safe, how much it would be worth
upon sale, or what? In a few other cases, I couldn't
visualize the product from the description. For example,
"We offer personalized greetings that tell you of all the
world events that happened on the day you were born. Makes
a great gift, more personalized than a greeting card. Great
for framing!" Is that just text on an 8-1/2 x 11 inch piece
of paper, or something more elaborate?
As a professional writer, I know that if there's the
remotest ambiguity in a communication, someone will
misunderstand. And where marketing is concerned, that means
a lost opportunity for business. Don't overlook the value
of a clear, concise description of your product or business.
The time you spend tinkering with it, testing and polishing
it will come back to you in profits many times over.
Copyright 1998 Marcia Yudkin. All rights
reserved
Marcia Yudkin
P.O. Box 1310
Boston, MA 02117
phone: (617)266-1613
e-mail: marcia@yudkin.com
You can order autographed
copies of her three books Marketing Online, Six Steps to
Free Publicity and Persuading on Paper (Plume/Penguin Books)
for $39.95 (combined, postpaid) by calling 617-266-1613,
faxing a Visa/Mastercard order to 617-647-9426 or sending a
check or money order to her at Creative Ways, P.O. Box 1310,
Boston, MA 02117.
Marcia Yudkin has several chapters from the following books posted for people to read for free.
- Marketing Online
- 6 Steps to Free Publicity
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