Whenever you speak with a stranger on the phone, in just
half a minute, your listener gets an impression of a
personality, background and attitudes. Brusque. Upbeat.
Slow-witted. Dignified. Prissy. Confident. Similarly,
whenever you put words down on paper for business, you
create an aura that goes along with the meaning you intend
to convey. With even a few sentences, your reader gets an
impression of what you'd be like to do business with.
Energetic. Pretentious. Genteel. Timid. Candid. Slimy.
Confirm this for yourself by imagining the person behind
each of these four business communications.
1) On January 15, 1997 I will be crossing the finish line of
the first ever, nationally televised Pensacola Pentathlon --
first. If you act right away, your company's logo will be
exposed to millions on my shirt.
2) I don't know if you remember me, but I'm the short red-
haired woman who spoke to you after your talk to the Pen
Women United in Kenarsie last September. I hope it's all
right to take you up on your invitation to send the
completed manuscript of my first novel.
3) We appreciate the opportunity to serve you. So that we
may continue to offer you the finest business information
available, kindly fill out our survey form.
4) Despite the good work I did for you, enabling you to
double your profits, I haven't heard from you again. Have
you gone out of business? Died? Unfortunately, if you
don't buy something from this catalog or call to set up an
appointment, I will be forced to remove you from my file of
contacts.
To me, person #1 appears brash, but not arrogant. If that
matched the spirit of my company, I might be interested in
meeting him to get a better sense of whether he's an athlete
we might indeed want to sponsor. Person #2 strikes me as
notably unconfident. As a literary agent receiving her
letter, I would worry about her ability to withstand a
rejection or a bad review.
Writer #3 comes across as a faceless, insincere corporation,
not a person at all. Person #4 gets the biggest rise out of
me, impressing me as a rude egomaniac who assumes that I owe
him my business. I'd zap HIM immediately from my file of
contacts!
Your reactions may differ from mine. You might appreciate
person #2's apprehensiveness or find person #4 refreshingly
forthright. This only goes to show that there is no magic
voice that appeals to everyone. No one personality on paper
can be counted on to pull in business for every one, every
time. However, because the voice that comes across in your
writing does have an impact, I believe it's wise to consider
the personality of your prose. Then make sure it matches
your business image and your target market.
Or, if you haven't written a crucial sales letter or
advertisement yet, stop and think about the attitude that
should underlie your words. Do you want to present yourself
as the customer's ally? As a no-nonsense expert? As a
refined, cosmopolitan colleague? As an efficient, down-to-
earth service provider? Simply getting clear on how you
wish to come across usually paves the way for the
appropriate words, phrases and rhythms to materialize in
your writing naturally.
Some pointers about language and approach to take into
account:
* Don't be afraid to use words that are characteristic of
you but you rarely see in business (such as "haggle,"
"wacky," "peachy"). Distinctiveness makes your message more
memorable.
* Try to avoid the stuffiness that comes across when you
choose a longer word ("apprise," "purchase") where a
shorter, ordinary word ("inform," "buy") conveys the idea
perfectly well.
* You convey a friendly, personal spirit when you address
the reader as "you" and refer to yourself as "I."
* Present tense ("Our program brings you...") conveys more
confidence than past tense ("Our program has brought ... to
thousands..."), future tense ("Our program will bring
you...") or the conditional ("Our program would bring
you...").
* Humor is extremely risky when you're trying to sell. What
you find amusing may offend someone or leave many readers
thinking, "huh?"
* Unless you're an uncommonly nimble writer, don't try to
become someone in writing that you're not. Phoniness hurts
in marketing. Even if your sleight of words worked, you'd
run the danger of disappointing the prospect when he or she
called or showed up at your office.
Copyright 1998 Marcia Yudkin. All rights
reserved
Marcia Yudkin
P.O. Box 1310
Boston, MA 02117
phone: (617)266-1613
e-mail: marcia@yudkin.com
You can order autographed
copies of her three books Marketing Online, Six Steps to
Free Publicity and Persuading on Paper (Plume/Penguin Books)
for $39.95 (combined, postpaid) by calling 617-266-1613,
faxing a Visa/Mastercard order to 617-647-9426 or sending a
check or money order to her at Creative Ways, P.O. Box 1310,
Boston, MA 02117.
Marcia Yudkin has several chapters from the following books posted for people to read for free.
- Marketing Online
- 6 Steps to Free Publicity
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